Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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