I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i now understand why vodka
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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