i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize