dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
