My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
