She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
