i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize