More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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