Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
