Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
