So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
