You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
