Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
