He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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