Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
