Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
