is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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