It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is Oprah even human
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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