Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
