Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
