I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think my fart just growled at me.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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