So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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