you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
