As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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