i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Randomize
