and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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