i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
