Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize