saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
