MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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