Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
