Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
