That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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