A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
