After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
