If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
