It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
