history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
