and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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