I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
