how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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