I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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