we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
