The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize