direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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