i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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