she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
