hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize