Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
