I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
