So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
