You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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