Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
