i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
