i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
