You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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