I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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