last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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