Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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