Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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