i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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