Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
