I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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