one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
