He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
