Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
