Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
