You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
