What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
