you traded sex for a burrito?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
