i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
