if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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