my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
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