batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
