It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
