Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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