who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
